My gloomy self

Really, I think I am not really knowing my self. Maybe I am a loner person. I really hate to be alone but I also don't really want that anyone is always besides me. I hat to be alone but sometimes I really enjoy my self the most when I'm alone. I don't know really. Such a bothersome person do I?

Basically I am a sanguine person, yet I understand that I am melancholic too. I always taught my self is really plin-plan. But then I realize my personality type that Sanguine & Melancholy's are opposites each other. I am an extroverted introvert who is pessimistic and optimistic. Sometimes I think too much or not enough. It is akin to being bipolar, but it is different, and I imagine/hope you understand. Or maybe I am really had bipolar disorder indeed I don't know. I have reads some about my personality, but I always find that Sanguine and Melancholy don't really combine. It can be said probably I can get my self along with a wide swath of people, but in conditionally I am being variously introverted or extroverted depending on the situation. Maybe I get some strengths of a melancholy, then the strengths of a sanguine, then the weaknesses of a melancholy, and then the weaknesses of a sanguine. I even hate my self for whole my life. I am so moody and it is really bothering me.

I wonder if my parents are know that their daughter always worrying things alone. I rarely talk to them. I don't know why I always think to not to make them get them into trouble. I've life for 7 years alone here, I never ask more that what they give to me. I never tell them what I needs. I never really try to make them know my true.
It really painful that I cannot telling them what I really want. I even don't understand my self, I even didn't open my self to my family.What a family really are? I love them so much but I always bring a bigger problem because of my silence and have them disappointed of me. I also don't know why I rarely felt their love...

I always think that my self is alone. Maybe it was me at the first who feel disappointed with someting called family. Most oldest memory I can recognize, I hate my mom. She is always my little sister ally. I hate my self which always playing role as a naughty kid to get her attention and to get my place in home. My father, I respect him as a father really I want. Father and I never talk, I never rely to him since I was kid. He never remember what he said, never do what I please, never really think about me and caring me. I am give up to him since very long time ago. Please love mme, please love me. Do I have to beg...?

I hate to be alone..

Yang tersayang,

Yang tersayang, Satriyo Kukuh Wicaksono.

Pria yang kukenal 5 tahun lalu, pria yang kubagi hidupku dalam 5 tahun terakhir ini, dan pria yang kucintai separuh jiwaku. Seandainya aku bisa memilih, aku ingin memilih percaya pada ikatan yang kita jalin selama ini dan percaya bahwa hanya kau lah kekasih yang ditakdirkan oleh Tuhan untuk melengkapi hidupku.

5 tahun, memang bukanlah waktu yang sebentar. Hubungan kita pun semakin berubah beriringan dengan jalannya waktu. 5 tahun adalah waktu yang lama sekaligus sebentar untuk kita saling mengenal. Sungguh bukanlah hal yang mudah bagiku yang teramat rendah diri ini untuk menunjukan diriku apa adanya. Dan ketika aku mengenalmu, aku percaya kau menjadi kekuatanku. Aku percaya ada perasaan yang diciptakan oleh Sang Maha Pengasih diantara manusia, sesuatu yang amat begitu indah yang dinamakan cinta, sesuatu yang membuat kehidupan semakin bermakna. Aku percaya dalam doaku aku selalu meminta kepadaNya supaya kau menjadi pendamping hidupku.

Aku percaya kita masih saling mencintai, kita hanya lupa bagaimana seseorang yang mencintai dan dicintai itu seharusnya.

New day, ney spririt !

Well. Hari ini begitu ngebosenin. Antara semenjak 3 minggu ini aku kabur dari kampus dan urusan rumah yang aku bengkalaikan, akhirnya impulsifly aku memutuskan buat memotong ramput panjangku. Lumayan lah jadi bener-bener segar.

Aku mengambil model si Shinohara Tomoe XD
entah kenapa hehehe.
but it suit me well.

Sudah dulu ya, sekarang aku mau memulai mengerjakan PR ku yang menumpuk ! Sampai nanti ^^
SEMANGAAAAAAAT !

Morning Song ! 世界に一つだけの花

Pagi ! Hari ini buat mecoba move on aku berusaha semangat o(≧▽≦)o
Lalu entah mengapa terngiang-ngiang lagu SMAP yang akhir2 ini baru benar-benar aku suka. Legend Song dari mereka XD
Lagu ini memang precius untuk di dengerin, sayangnya aku belum punya mp3 sama PVnya ;_;

世界に一つだけの花
by SMAP


「NO.1にならなくてもいい
もともと特別なOnly one」

花屋の店先に並んだ
いろんな花を見ていた
ひとそれぞれ好みはあるけど
どれもみんなきれいだね
この中で誰が一番だなんて
争うこともしないで
バケツの中誇らしげに
しゃんと胸を張っている

それなのに僕ら人間は
どうしてこうも比べたがる?
一人一人違うのにその中で
一番になりたがる?

そうさ 僕らは
世界に一つだけの花
一人一人違う種を持つ
その花を咲かせることだけに
一生懸命になればいい

困ったように笑いながら
ずっと迷ってる人がいる
頑張って咲いた花はどれも
きれいだから仕方ないね
やっと店から出てきた
その人が抱えていた
色とりどりの花束と
うれしそうな横顔

名前も知らなかったけれど
あの日僕に笑顔をくれた
誰も気づかないような場所で
咲いてた花のように

そうさ 僕らも
世界に一つだけの花
一人一人違う種を持つ
その花を咲かせることだけに
一生懸命になればいい

小さい花や大きな花
一つとして同じものはないから
NO.1にならなくてもいい
もともと特別なOnly one

 There's no need to be No. 1
you've always been a very special only one.

I saw many kinds of flowers lined up in front of the flowershop.
everyone has their favorite kinds but all of them are pretty.
Without competing to see which was the best among them,
they were standing straight up proudly inside the bucket.
So why then do we humans have to compare ourselves to one another?
Eventhough each and every person is different,
why do we want to be number one?
Yes we are each..

a flower unlike any other in the world
and each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.

There are people who are constantly unsure of what they want,
as they laugh a little put out.
It can't be helped, all those flowers,
that did everything they could to bloom, are pretty.
when at last that person comes out of the store,
they're holding a colorful bouquet
and I see them smiling happilly as they go by me.
I never knew their name but
that day they made me smile.

we too are like flowers that bloom in places where no one pays any attention.
Yes we too are each...

a flower unlike any other in the world
and each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.

Small flowers and big flowers, none are the same as one another.
There's no need to be No. 1
you've always been a very special only one.

#jpopasia

My Dear Prince Koichi Domoto

Pagi ini tanggal 1 April, pagi-pagi bangun dan gulang-guling aja buka hape. Terus temenku　ngasih berita di group watsapp kalo Ko-chan cidera...

Aku udah guling-guling aja mau nangis, tapi lalu inget kalo hari ini tanggal 1 April alias April fools. Lalu aku bilang aja aku udah kena tipu. Sukses dia... Dan malah dia bilang itu bukan guyon. Oh my God, hatiku langsung keiris-iris habis dia bilangnya tulang rusuk Ko-chan cidera dan itu bukan hoax dari dia dan dia rasa yang dia baca juga bukan hoax april fools. Mrambanglah aku....

Desperate nyari info, siangnya dikonfirmasi oleh temen yang tinggal di Jepang ternyata bener. Dan aku lalu messege temenku juga buat tanya ditailnya.

Jadi gini, hari itu paginya di tv kayaknya diberitakan kalau Koichi di curtain callnya meng-annaunce bahwa dia broke his ribs, retak gitu karena tumpukan tekanan selama dia menggarap Musical Endless SHOCK.
Wajar saja sih, tahun ini saja Musical Endless SHOCK sudah masuk ke 1100 kali pertunjukan. Dan dia hanya punya satu badan buat melakukan semua adegan berbahaya dalam butai itu. Awalnya penonton beberapa minggu sebelumnya aware dengan kondisi Koichi yang tidak se-prima biasanya, dikira dia kena flu.

Syukurlah ternyata curtain call hari itu adalah senshuuroku alias curtain call pertunjukan terakhir. Jadi setelah pertunjukan terakhir baru di beritahukan bahwa tulang rusuknya retak, tapi bukan karena adegan jatuh dari tangga dan penonton tidak usah khawatir. Karena cidera itu dia batuk2 dan tidak kuat menyanyi dengan nada tinggi. Sesak nafas dan nafasnya memendek.

Koichi. Buat pertunjukanmu kamu beri segalanya.
Salut.
Salut.

My Prince, get well soon. I will try to understand the meaning of "Show Must Go On".
I will support you always.

 

"Wa" themed dance

 

curtain call