Wangxian

Wangxian

Kamis, 04 Desember 2014

age of 25, my last 1 year of first half twenties

Well, I got confused about how is my life now. After succeed to finish my thesis with AB mark two-three month ago, I am totally blank out. What should I do? I am troubled when I think about my future and ended doing nothing except 'plays' in this last two month.

Then as you know (read in my previous post maybe), I will attend graduation at February next year cause I failed to make it right time previous at September I have to say that I lost of confidence and direction. Although it's not like I got expelled, but somehow I don't satisfied. The reason is :
  • I take too much time for doing and thinking about things I really don't need so I spent 7 years (SEVEN YEARS!!!) to get graduated from collage. I really feed my life is horrible enough because I lost 3 years already than everyone at my age! Its not a short time I know, that is why I feel so sorry, depressed and always blame my self over it.
  • I never learn from my fail. I got distracted very easily. I can not make any goal is right on time. I am too lazy and apathetic so I always repeat mistakes. And back to feel guilty in the end.
  • I don't really believe in hope or dream, deep in my heart. I realize that I already LOST. There's no start over at thing called life rather I am dead and reborn.
  • I am get hurt easily, thats why I was so coward. I never get out from my safe zone.
  • I blame others (specially my family condition) for this fortune-less life. 
  • I never like my self, I always get envy when others have a very nice positive personality and I always fight my self over tiniest things. I always wonder why I am such a coward?
And tell me that money is not everything in life. But it is very important. I have to pay my graduates fee about IDR 1.300.000 and I only got less than half of it. My family debts because of me... I bet now it's worthy more than a new motorbike already LOL. And those all equally my burden. I don't know how should I start. I don't have a job because I just quit working part-time three month ago. YES I AM A NEET. With debts.
VERY VERY ASHAMED.

Okay, enough complaining. I need a job. Two weeks ago, I got an interview call and I do that interview for a tiny new company that need Japanese interpreter staff at Semarang (my city name) and actually I got another call from that company which tell me that I passed and can work in their office. But they will let me know in next call when I should start work. Hmmm... Isn't it a bit suspicious? I need work immediately and I afraid to expect about this. They mention once about I have to paid for training course as interpreter. It's suspicious right?

In other side, I got at least two interview invitation at Jakarta. Do I need to try it as well? Or I have to look for other job here at Semarang?
I don't have money to go there, that was the main trouble. And then, it was about 2 years I didn't go to Jakarta. I am also afraid to go alone but I have no one to ask with.
I need to raise money before end of January for my graduation fee. YES! JUST ONE MONTH!

What I can do? Is any body could tell me any advice? #I try to not expect someone read it and help me

Well.... Have a good day.